For some reason I have always been a person that wants confirmation about their decisions. I want to know that it’s the right thing to do. I fear being wrong or making the wrong choice. For years I have been crippled with fear about various decisions and happenstances in life, but lately I feel like I have been making a break through. I have been making some really big decisions lately. One is selling my house and the other is making a career change and leaving Texas.
I have recently been working with a Career Coach in regards to making this career shift. It’s something I have felt I needed to do for years, but was just afraid to. Mainly because it felt impractical and I had built up certain skill sets that I felt were my only marketable skill. I have since learned though that is not true, and in order to find work that is truly satisfying you have to be bold. You have to step forward in faith, even be willing to fail in order to learn what will not work.
For as long as I can remember this Texas born child has wanted to move to Colorado, I have just felt called there. Perhaps it’s the climber in me, or maybe it’s in my blood, my mom lived their when she was younger. Either way, I have denied this calling for years. It has largely been out of fear – fear of leaving the City I have spent my entire life – fear of leaving friends and family and having to start over.
But, I am finally overcoming that fear. I have taken the first big step by selling my house, and now I begin stepping out in a new direction in terms of my career. I have never been that good at graphic design, there are parts of it I enjoy, but lots of it drives me crazy. I’m finding I’m more of a people person, I’m to relational to be spending a majority of my time pushing pixels. So, I will be taking some big risks this year – risks that I feel will be rewarding.
I will essentially be starting over with my career, or what I am now calling my vocational calling. Rather than just looking for a job, I am seeking out what I am truly called to do. I plan on seeking work that will fulfill and bring me excitement. I used to think it was extremely selfish to plan your life around your career, but I am learning that isn’t true. We SHOULD plan the life we want to live around or career, not our job around the life we hope to live. Life itself is more important than work, but at the same time I believe work should really be an extension of who we are.
I believe I posses God given talents and skills that I can use to fulfill what I am truly meant to do. To an extent there is still a discovery process of what that will be, but I have a much clearer picture now of the direction I need to go in life. One of the first steps will be moving to Colorado.
Lately it seems like that dream is unfolding before my very eyes and yet doubt and hesitation enters my mind. That crippling fear I thought I was overcoming starts to take a hold again. But when I was out on a run this evening an overwhelming since of peace overcame me, maybe it was just a runner’s high, I don’t know, but I felt confident about my decision. I even began to tear up a bit as I ran.
Currently there are still a lot of unknowns, like when or will I actually move, will I have a job, will I have a place to live, what will I do with all this crap I own before I move – I don’t feel like taking it all with me. I’m confident though that everything will pan out just right. It’s just frustrating when you can’t see the details. As much as some people may tell you that you are in control of your destiny, the simple fact that I can’t see how things are going to happen is proof that ultimately we are not in control. But that does not stop us from having to make decisions, even if they are risky.
I’m likely going to have to sacrifice some comfort with a lot of these decisions, but I think in the end the payoff will be huge! I’m thinking five year plan here, not instant gold mine. I’m psyched about the next several months to come. I think they are going to be very exciting. I know this post is somewhat vague, but I will reveal more details as things become more concrete. But I can say it looks like I will be moving to Colorado, and it looks like I have a job lined up.
In other news, I will be running the Big D Half Marathon this Sunday. This is possibly my last race in Texas, unless of course I come to visit for a race. I was also planning on climbing in Arkansas the following weekend, but that has been postponed for a visit to Colorado… who knows, maybe I will get a pitch or two of climbing in there – I definitely won’t leave home without my gear.